Optimus And June 5 : Prime's Lament
by Prander
Summary: Prime feels the weight of his personal choices concerning June as never before. Thanks for the feedback and reviews and please check out my profile or forum for a personal thank you. :)
1. Chapter 1

Optimus walked alone through Autobot base. It was late at night and all was well. Lately even the Decepticons had been quiet, although he believed in the old adage that's just when you had to be on your guard.

As for Optimus, he was always on his guard.

Or was he?

He stopped up on a small walkway, a new addition to the base that overlooked command central. Far below, only Ratchet burned the midnight oil, deeply engrossed in some new task at his science station and Optimus envied him the peace of loosing himself in his hobbies.

Optimus had no hobbies. And all he had accomplished lately was to complicate things.

Horribly. Inextricably.

Prime had spoken of this very thing to June. He had warned her. He had warned _himself_. Yet against his better judgment he had taken..._steps_ with the human woman that were destined for disaster.

He walked on, passing through a round airlock and striding along deeper into the base as the armored doors slid shut behind him.

For many nights now he had perform this same lonely pilgrimage.

Where should he begin?

First, he had compromised the mission into the upper mid-west region of the United States. In one swift stroke he had undone all the reconnaissance and made the area a beacon for Decepticon suspicions. Even now several Vehicons patrolled the area.

Ratchet had assured him that they would take it as no more than a scout for energon. Optimus had countered that that would prove to be worse, for their scrutiny of the area would be all the greater. Ratchet had merely sighed then and went back to his never-ending work, consigning it to one more inevitable set back. He didn't blame or even question Optimus, but Optimus blamed himself. And the questions and self recrimination followed.

He had spent an inordinate amount of time on that scout and had been spotted but it was his reasons for delaying his return that were the most difficult to live with.

His own personal desires had clouded his judgment and now if ever his people faced relocation, because of his _lust,_ an entire quadrant would be suspect. An unconscionable risk to the survival of his small band of loyal followers.

Secondly there was all the wasted effort and energon spent. The Autobots had suffered defeats before, their efforts and energy spent amounting to naught, but this was different in how Prime felt personally responsible for the waste.

Thirdly and most importantly he had endangered June Darby inexcusably. That thought alone ached in his spark chamber like a wound. He had put her at near incalculable risk. From the battle in the park, to the growing curiosity about her presence there in. Among his own people and worse... perhaps among the Decepticons as well.

For Megatron was never one to miss a detail.

Why was June Darby there? Why did she spend four days alone with Optimus? True, she had been a medic in times of crisis but Megatron ignored the humans at the best of times, caring not for their frail casualties.

But if he finally made some connection between her and Prime?

Without knowing it, due to Optimus's actions, June Darby could now be at risk at any minute of her daily life. Even down to the minute detail of her shopping for groceries.

Yes, Prime could blame himself for _all _that and worry so far ahead and so deeply. The Decepticons were beyond human reasoning and not confined to the morals of life as the Autobots were. If even for a moment they sensed June's importance she would never be safe again.

This worry, almost more than anything, defined what it was to be a Prime for you knew the nature of the evil you faced and recognized it's tenacity. You never let your guard down for the enemy never slept.

And now that he had? That he dared? That he had been weak? The resulting fallout was tremendous and far reaching, burning through his personality and conscience.

Such was the price of undermining his integrity.

Optimus stopped walking, his insides in turmoil.

Millions of years of conflict, and it was horrifying that he still could act so selfish.

Foolish. Reckless.

He sighed and walked on.

He knew exactly how June would respond though, if and when he told her these feelings.

He knew how she would refer to the last four years and the risks they_ all _shared.

But he would _not_ reconcile himself with June's impending argument about her own personal choices and her voluntary involvement with the team. Optimus was not one to restrain the free will of any living being, but this was different in how he felt _personally_ responsible this time.

He knew that his human allies walked into this intergalactic war with full knowledge of the risks involved. It was a delicate balance between the responsibility he felt for their lives, but also their own choice to fight alongside him.

But this was different. This wasn't the risk of battle or the fortunes of war.

He had lusted for June and had nearly...ruined everything.

And again there was the suspicions of the other Autobot's and humans. It hadn't been lost on Optimus their monumental shock at June's appearance and deep inside Optimus the individual he hated himself again, for the tenth time this hour, at the shame and embarrassment he felt he had caused her.

And lastly, Prime grated on the fact he was extremely distracted by these events and they were compromising his efficiency this last week of earth time.

Of course, no one was the wiser, not even Ratchet. But this was nightmarish too in how Prime was silently abusing all their faith in him. Their belief that he was now, and never would be, anything less than what they believed of him. So to keep June's dignity, Optimus came perilously close to lying in that he said _nothing_. Commented on _nothing _and explained_ nothing _and called upon his own mythos of being _beyond _question or doubt.

No, if there was anything to question or doubt he would do it to himself mercilessly.

And he was.

And the sheer damnable inescapable nature of these complications made him want to lash out, most out of character, and this to added to his sense of imbalance. For his list of reasons that he failed were constantly rearranging themselves as one burned to the front of his mind over another, causing a cascade effect in his thoughts like ricocheting shells. And over laid on them all, was June Darby herself.

Prime stopped mulling it over when he realized he was standing outside his own quarters, his hand on the door handle.

How long had he been standing here running these things through his mind? Chasing down every last cause and effect, pro and con and means to an end to the point of paranoia?

This was the danger June Darby would never understand. The weight of Atlas that was to be Optimus Prime and how quickly he could be compromised. And how dangerous the fall out could be for all.

He felt damned, stewing in his own self recrimination, and knew then as soon as there was a _safe opportunity_ to do so, he would stop his activities with June.

He would put her back at arms length, safely grouped with everyone else.

Such upset did he feel, sick with it, that he didn't even pause to consider her feelings.

To keep her alive, her feelings be _damned_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chronological Index**

**Arcee/Jack 1, 2, 3 **

(Followed by)

** Optimus/June 1 **

(Followed by)

** Arcee/Jack 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 **

(Followed by)

**Optimus/June 2, 3, 4** ( At # 4, the two storyline's begin to mesh)

(Followed by)

** Arcee/Jack 9 **

(Followed by)

**Optimus/June 5**

(Followed by)

** Arcee/Jack 10 **

(Followed by)

** Optimus/June 6, 7** (latest)


End file.
